Arvind Kaur lost her sister to domestic violence, but despite her training in psychology, she had not come to terms with the tragedy. Arvind described her sister as a pretty, thoughtful PhD in cancer research with a zeal for life, who was always head of her class and excelled in everything she did. She was married to a Hindu and had adopted all Hindu rituals despite having been born a Sikh. This was her love for him. “He is God to me” is what she would always say.
The death of Arvind’s sister was a big blow for the family but Arvind wanted to move on as she herself had just married days before. For years she kept pushing the thought aside, though it would haunt her repeatedly. She always wanted to do something about domestic violence and just did not know how.
Through grants funded by ML Resources – Social Visions and Barbara Slifka Fund, all that changed when Arvind worked with staff at ICNY and CONNECTFaith to start an interfaith group for women who had survived domestic violence, were currently suffering from it, or simply wanted to help. “I came to understand that passion wasn’t enough,” reflected Arvind, “I also needed training and support. Now I feel the group is doable.”
In the first meeting of Arvind’s Sikh DV group, she witnessed the power of simply being together with the other women. Although nothing overtly “happened,” the demeanor, tone, and expressions of the group members told her that this was going to work. She wondered whether it was what she was observing or whether it was that she was healing. Maybe it was both. For the first few sessions Arvind kept busy with the logistics; but eventually she just let it be. Because the group sat together, sharing and talking, things came up naturally. One woman would accept what she was going through, and another made sense out of it.
Recently Arvind named her group The Kaur Sisters to raise the spirit of the members. The word “Kaur” means princess and no woman, she believes, is less than a princess. Arvind says, “I am coming to terms with what happened in my family and feel peaceful to be attending to what my soul needs to do. My sister didn’t deserve what happened to her. She didn’t deserve to suffer. Now I feel, if she was anywhere, watching me, she would be happier.”
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